Air fills my lungs

Refreshing
The water that engulfs me
Yet terrifying also
I was anxious
Afraid of going under
I’m dying
Lost to the world
Hands are on me
They pull me up
Water drips from my face
Air fills my lungs
I’m dead to sin
But alive in Christ

The happiest we ever were

The lights are on
Me and my bible
Ready for bed
I’m eight years old
Me and my bible
On the top bunk
You hear my voice
It says a prayer
The prayer
That would change my life
I’m happy
We’re all happy
I hug my parents
Smiles and tears
I hug my brothers
This moment
The happiest I can remember
Together, smiling
Excited
A memory
I’ll never forget
The lights go out
It’s me an You
And will be forever
From that night on
That night in 1992

It beats harder

It’s beating so hard
Pumping gallon after gallon through my veins
It keeps me alive
It scares me
I feel it pulsating
My head aches
It beats faster
My body temp rises
It beats harder
My shirt rises and falls with its rhythm
I’m nauseous
I want to sleep
I feel the rhythm in my head
I feel
I feel
Nothing
I’m dead

30 Days to Live

The video below is the full length version of an interview that LifeChurch showed one Sunday during their "30 Days to Live" series. It's about a man named Larry who was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) in 2005. He discusses the affects of the disease, how it's changed his life, his relationship with his loved ones, his relationship with God, and many other things. It's a pretty emotional video but worth watching. Click the link to watch:
Watch this LifeChurch.tv Video

The Barbarian Way - by Erwin McManus

Matthew 11:6
Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.

I was reading The Barbarian Way and what McManus said about this verse really struck me. So many times I read the word but I don't really take the time to disect it and look for much of the meaning. I'm thankful that there are people out there who seem to have a natural talent for understanding the Bible so I can better understand some of it. I've heard Matthew 11:6 before but I never really thought about what it meant.

It was the last thing Jesus said in response to John's question of "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?" At that time John was in prison where he would eventually be beheaded. After John sends his disciples to ask Jesus that question, Jesus replied in verses 4-6, "Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."

That last sentence almost seems out of place after Jesus describes all the good that he is doing. Why would anyone fall away on account of Jesus after hearing about all the incredible things he is doing; all the people he is helping. If you look at it from John's perspective, though, it makes sense. John hears about all these amazing things Jesus is doing but Jesus isn't coming to save him from his prison. Even though John was the one who would prepare the way for Jesus, he wouldn't be saved from being beheaded. It seems that it would be easy for John to "fall away" because of this. Easy for him to become angry at the fact that his fate is death. But God's plan for John is being fulfilled.

It seems like the verse could also say, blessed is the man who does not fall away even though the purpose I have for him isn't one that he desires. When times are rough and we aren't happy with what is happening in our life it's easy for us to become upset, fall away, or lose faith in God. But these things we're going through - these struggles - may very well be in God's plan for us. God could be using these things to shape us into the person He wants us to be. Don't fall away when life gets difficult but "rejoice in suffering" and "give thanks in all circumstances" because it's these things as well as the good that makes each of us who we are.

"Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith" by Jon Krakauer

Krakauer starts begins this book with the story of the 1984 Lafferty murders when two brothers, claiming to be commanded by god, savagely murdered their youngest brother's wife and baby girl. He then delves into the history and practices of fundamentalist mormonism. It is no less than shocking. He talks about small towns in Arizona, Utah, and Canada where everyone in the town answers to one man, the head of the fundamentalist LDS church. He controls everything and everyone; The mayor, the police force, and everyone else. Everything is owned by the church. Girls are married by the age of 14, sometimes to men that they are related to and are at least twice their age. Krakauer gives an example of a town in Arizona where the head of the FLDS church married girls as young as 13 and 14 when he was in his mid-eighties. Basically, the women are seen as property. He also reports cases of sexual abuse.

The towns that Krakauer discusses are polygamistic societies. Some of the men mentioned in the book have married more than 50 women and fathered even more children. How is this possible when polygamy is against the law? Well, the men will marry one woman legally, recognized by the government. The subsequent marraige isn't recognized by the government but is by the FLDS. These women are recognized though, as single mothers by the government. Because of this they can get all kinds of financial support.

I won't even get into the founding father of mormonism, Joseph Smith, until a later. Looking at what I've read already and things I've seen on the news, such as the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping, it's easy to see the immoral and frankly sickening practices of fundamental mormons. Is it right for a man in his fourties or fifties to "marry" a fourteen year old girl and then have sex with her? Doesn't it make that man a pedophile and how can any decent human promote this sort of thing? It seems like the religion in some ways is there to try and justify these sexual deviants.

Satan's Weapons

Like a gentle breeze, Satan creeps into you thoughts to tempt and deceive. It’s easy to see Satan at work, what with all the hatred and evil that fills this world. Violence all over the news. Greed. Sex. It’s everywhere. As powerful as Satan’s weapons are, some times the ones that are the most dangerous are the ones we don’t really recognize as Satan’s doing. They’re like a time bomb; you don’t know they’re there until it goes off. Satan attacks us where we are most vulnerable with subtle devices. He slowly destroys our self-esteem, bringing to light all of our flaws, draining the happiness that fills us. He’s the whisper that says we’re not good enough, that we’re worthless. He throws insult after insult into the depths of our minds causing us to question everything.

For years Satan attacked me in this way, tearing apart my self-confidence piece by piece. Negative thoughts flooded my mind until it was overflowing with self-hatred. It was a very dark time in my life. I’ve been doing so much better lately but that doesn’t mean it’s easy all the time. I can still feel Satan at times trying to attack me again. Trying to make me question things. I can’t let them take over, though. Not anymore. But I can’t do it by myself. It’s at these times, when Satan is trying to slip in unnoticed, that we should rely on God to help us through it. It’s easy when times are good to rely on God less and less and I think that’s when we’re most vulnerable and Satan knows it. Don’t let him win. Give your life to Christ, focus on Him, and pray that He will help you keep Satan from controlling your thoughts. That He will give you the strength to endure. I can’t go back to the way it was. To a place where I would’ve welcomed death to end my misery. I won’t let him win. “With God all things are possible.” Think about how amazing life is and the blessings you have. Life won’t always turn out perfect the way you want it, but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about walking by faith and knowing that God loves you and has given you the gift of eternal life through his son Jesus. Share this love with the world so that others may come to know Christ.