My Life Is Not My Own

It’s been a long time since I’ve really felt God speaking to me through a Sunday morning church service. Most of that is my fault. Last Sunday night I heard a message about having “ears to hear” that helped change my attitude toward Sunday mornings and I’m thankful it did or I would have missed out yet again. I’ve been working on changes in my life. Changes that can only come by walking with the Lord and focusing on what He wants to do with my life. I am so thankful for the changes I can see and feel God making in my life. Today’s message was both encouraging and reminding. It reminded me to stay focused on my progress and to continue to ask God to work in my life, molding me. I felt God speaking directly to me through the pastor this morning. And I’m thankful, because I help run video, that I was able to sit through both services. It helped hammer things home and let me see the biblical references more than once. I need to continue to work on changing my tongue into God’s tool, instead of using it to hurt and judge. I need to recognize that my life is not my own. Anything I have is a gift from God. My money is not my money. And I need to focus on God’s purpose for my life.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Why a Life of Disappointment?

Recently, I had a conversation with a good friend about finding value? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and what it looks like in my life. Where do I find value? I think more than anything I feel valued when I’m accepted and loved. That’s probably true for most of us. It’s how we let that affect us that’s different from person to person.

For too long I’ve looked for those things in others. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be accepted: at school, by coaches, by teachers, and in my own family. I’ve looked for love from the people I care about most. I think the problem with this is that because I looked for value solely in others I was always disappointed. Not everyone is going to accept you and there will certainly be a lot that don’t love you. I was just looking in the wrong places. Now I find my value in God, who will accept me know matter my talents or the clothes I wear or my personality. I know that I can find love like no other in my Father who loves me unconditionally. Knowing this huge. I’ve learned to love myself, a creation of God, like I never have before. And I want to share that love with others even though I won’t always feel valued be them. And I can’t let memories from my past where I struggled the most with this affect who I am today and what I have in Christ.

This Far by Jason Gray

These are the lyrics to a song by Jason Gray called "This Far." I don't know, I guess I've just found a lot of meaning from them lately. It's kind of how life is and where I'm at. God's brought me too far to give up. I'm not the same. Here they are:

The first time I heard You call my name
I saw the man that I could be
My life was like a gift that You gave to me
But now I’m haunted by the memory of
A promise I thought I heard from You
And I’m not as sure of all the things I thought that I once knew

I don’t believe You brought me this far to give up
So everyday I keep on fighting for it
Show me again what I was made for
Help me to see You’re still moving me

It’s hard for me to walk by faith
In the face of all that I can see
Sometimes I feel I’m just a fool for my belief
But then I feel You come and move in me
I hear You whisper in my ear
And for a moment I can see just how You brought me here

I don’t believe You brought me this far to give up
So everyday I keep on fighting for it
Show me again what I was made for
Help me believe You’re still moving me

With each passing glimpse of Your promise
You’re leading me on
Don’t let me falter now

I don’t believe You brought me this far to give up
So everyday I keep on fighting for it
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m faithful
Or for me to believe You’re still leading me

I don’t believe You brought me this far to give up
So everyday I keep on fighting for it
Show me again what I was made for
Help me to see You’re still moving me

I still believe cause You carried me this far