The Joy of God

John 15:5-13
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

I listened to a message today by David Arcos talking about the joy of God. It was very insightful. He says that "Joy becomes strength in the midst of trial." I don't have much more to say about it other than that I find joy in God and my savior Jesus Christ. The best two minutes of my life here on earth won't compare to an eternity in God's presence. That makes me think about my life and how I live it.

I love God, but to be honest, I struggle each day with giving everything over to him. My own intentions and selfishness always seem to get in the way. God has done some amazing things in my life. He's blessed me with an amazing family. He's given me great friends. He gives me life. He kept me around for twenty years with a heart problem. He's gotten me through years of depression. I want to surrender everything to him. To trust him to take care of me. I want to be the man he has created me to be.

Here's a verse I read today. It's one that I always go back to.

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

I Don't Know

When life is filled with extreme highs and even more extreme lows what can you do? Ride it out I guess. At the end of the day what do you have? When things never seem to work out where do you turn with the pain? When you've hit the bottom where do you look for the slightest bit of hope? Where do you take your troubles? Your feelings?

I'm fortunate to have an incredible family but I don't always want to throw all my problems their way. I'm not one to burden people with my problems. So where does that leave me? I know exactly where it leaves me. Alone in this world but in the loving arms of my Father. At the end of the day what do I have? Hope in Christ. I can take whatever I have to him and I'll never be let down. What a truly incredible thing to be given this gift. To have him in my life. I know without him through all the difficult times, I would honestly be dead.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Father, thank you for everything you've done in my life. Thank you for an amazing family and my friends. Thank you for always being there. Through the years of depression even though I turned my back on you. Thank you for seeing me safely through that and through my surgery as well. I know it could have taken my life at anytime but you kept me around. Thank you so much for sending your son to die for my sins. I know I don't deserve it. I love you God. Give me the desire to always seek you. Give me strength and joy in the coming months as I struggle with things. Amen.

Up Late

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Too much for my own good really. I've been thinking a lot about my life. About relationships. About family. There are times when I wish I could stop thinking - just turn it off for a while. It's not that I'm thinking bad things or anything like that, it's just that my mind is constantly moving. Constantly recalling things or looking ahead. The trouble is, all these thoughts I'm having, I really don't know what to do with them. They're just kind of there, lingering somewhere in my mind - sometimes in the depths and sometimes in the forefront. I even have a difficult time trying to find a way to put my thoughts into writing.

Blood flows through my veins
Pumping life throughout my body
I breathe without thinking
I see
I think
I imagine
I create
I love
I am created in His image
As are those around me
We are beautiful creations
Loved beyond belief
By a father who is always there
Longing for a relationship with us
He gives me life
He gives me strength to endure
There will always be struggles
And at times I will hurt
But in Him I find joy
In Him I find hope

Trust

It's a sad thing to lose trust in someone.

Focus

If the world ended in five years
In twenty years
How would I feel
If I never get married could I be content
If I continue to struggle with the darkness
Can I continue to find happiness even while I bear it
I will continue to have ups and downs
There are days when I don’t want to think about the future
About tomorrow or five years from now
Days I wish my world would have already ended

It's on those days that I need to stay focused
Focused on my Father who loves me unconditionally
Who will provide and help me through the dark times in my life
He will never let me down
I long to draw close to him, giving over everything
I love him more than anything and am so thankful for what he's done
Thankful for his son
It's the most important relationship in my life
And I want to work on it more than any other

Today is a bad day. Why? Because I can’t stop thinking about things. Last night something happened and it made me start thinking a lot. So much so that I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep. In the past 6 months I’ve had a few relationships end. It goes beyond that, though. Failed relationships are kind of the story of my life. But it’s the most recent ones that got me thinking and questioning a lot about myself. When things seem so good, why do relationships end? And beyond that, if it is going to end, why can’t it be done right? Why do people have to lie about things? I wish people would just be straight with me. The truth may hurt but I’d rather be hurt a little than lied to and hurt much worse because of it. There’s nothing like being lied to or abandoned. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. Not by anyone. What does that mean? Should I cut myself off from people? I don’t know. I’m tired of trying though. All I can do is focus on the few relationships I have that are good. The friends that I have that hopefully won't let me down.